Twisted Wedding
by ilove2shipseddie
Summary: Sam and Freddie are getting married! What happens when a bet between the two turns their wedding inside out? Rated T! Seddie of course ) Really long oneshot! Review!


**AN-Hey! This is just a really long one-shot and it was requested by an anonymous person. So, I hope you enjoy. Again, it is really long so it will take time to read! Um, well, it has some sexual references in it and a few swear words **_**but**_** nothing graphic so I'm rating it T! Overall, it's just supposed to make you laugh or cry or show **_**some**_** kind of emotion! Enjoy =) xx**

**UPDATED VERSION-So, I updated this one-shot. It's with the first dance and Carly and Freddie actually dress shopping and more. You'll notice the add-ins when you come to them.**

"What the hell, Benson!?" Sam yelled, slapping her fiancé upside the head.

"You can't just whack me upside the head when you feel like it!"

Sam glared at him. "Do you _really_ want to go there?"

Freddie backed down, averting his gaze to the floor.

She put an arm around his shoulder, smiling cheekily. "So, it's settled then? I can have bacon sculptures set as my centerpieces?"

"Yes," Freddie mumbled, pouting. "But just know my mom's going to want to know why such a greasy food is in the middle of her table."

"Aw, you think I care what Crazy thinks? That's so cute." she teased, wrapping her other arm around his neck. "Give momma some suga."

With that, he leaned in and connected their lips, nearly swallowing her tongue.

The fact that they got so lost into whatever action they were doing with each other was almost scary. For instance, like now, they didn't hear the door to their best friend's apartment opening or closing. It could have been a mugger!

"Yes, because when I come home from work every day I _totally_ want to see my best friends on my couch nearly choking to death on one another's tongues!" Carly stated, cynically, and then frowned as she noticed the many magazines lying sloppily across her coffee table. "What are these?"

Sam broke the kiss between her and Freddie to answer her best friend's question. "These are mostly just centerpiece magazines." Sam shrugged, picking one up. "Did I mention that Freddie is the best fiancé on planet Earth?"

Carly puckered her brow, looking towards Freddie. "What'd you do?"

"Nothing," he scoffed, earning a knowing look from Sam. "Why would you think I did something?"

"Well, for one, Sam doesn't give out compliments for just anything. Whatever you did, it must've been good." Carly chuckled and then her big brown eyes widened, filling with repulsion. "Anywhere but the couch!"

Sam let out a loud laugh and her face held an entertained smirk. "We didn't sleep together, Carls. At least not in here _yet_. But the nub did do something for me."

Carly let out a sigh of relief. "Alright, well what'd he do?"

"He's letting me have bacon sculptures as our centerpieces for the indoor venue at the reception."

"That's even worse!" Carly whined. "You're not seriously letting her do that, are you?"

He laughed. "Of course not," Sam raised an eyebrow and he continued, not really wanting to see the expression on her face. "Because, after all, I am the man in this relationship and—"

Sam laughed, mockingly. "Ha! That's rich! You're not the man and you know you never will be. You might as well be wearing the bridal dress down the aisle." She stopped, mid-laughter, and looked up, her face brightening.

"No, no, no, no, _no_," He said, shaking his head, feverishly. He could already see whatever mischievous prank she was warping up in that crazy head of hers.

Sam grinned, evilly. "That is one good idea!" she said, shooting up, grabbing all the new magazines and scattering them back out, in search of a specific one.

"Hey, kiddos!" Spencer burst into his apartment, followed by Gibby, who held a big bag of dandelions. "T-Bo told us to tell you guys he's making a new smoothie flavor. He's taking some tires and smashing them so a bunch of rubber juice comes out of it and—"

"Shut up a sec!" Sam yelled, trying to gain some concentration.

"What's up with her?" Spencer asked his little sister, who simply shrugged. Freddie kept shaking his head, trying to tell himself that whatever Sam's devious little brain had in mind, he wasn't on board with it.

"Here it is," Sam beamed, looking at the bridal dress magazine.

"Wow, Sam," Carly said. "I have to say. I never thought you'd be this happy to see a magazine full of girly dresses."

"It's not for me," Sam told her, then tossed the magazine to her poor fiancé. "It's for Fredward."

Carly frowned, crossing her arms over her chest.

Freddie raised up, attempting to stand his ground. "I'm not wearing a dress to our wedding. I'm wearing a tux like every other man in America…you've pulled _many_ pranks on me in the past, Puckett, and I went along with all of them. But not this time."

Carly had watched her best friends fight ever since grade school and she always thought it wasn't fair to pick just one side. She used to settle all their disputes by telling them that everything both of them did was for a good purpose, but right now, with this little dispute, there was no way she wasn't going to pick a side. She, of course, agreed with Freddie. She knew that the normal way of doing things was _not_ the way Sam was trying to do it.

"I'm sorry, Sam, but Freddie's right." She said, firmly. "You can't make him wear a dress down the aisle."

Sam leaned her head back in utter frustration. She glared at Carly and Freddie before walking over to Spencer and standing in front of him.

"Question, who's the man in our relationship?"

Spencer shrugged. "Oh, definitely you."

She moved to stand in front of Gibby and he tightened his eyes, ready for the huge blow that might be delivered to his face in point five seconds. He opened one eye to glance at her. "Are you gonna hit me now or what? Cause if not, I wasted a good few seconds of my life preparing for it."

Sam rolled her eyes and questioned, "Who's more man-ish in me and Fredward's relationship?"

"Hm, that depends. If I say Freddie, will you break my thumbs?"

"No, but I'll probably break your nose and limbs."

Gibby shrugged. "Well, I already booked nose fixing appointments every two weeks just in case and—"

"Just answer the freakin' question!"

"Well, I pick Freddie. Because if you were to compare your genital areas to his—"

"Gibby!"

"Okay, fine, you are."

Freddie raised his hands in defeats, shaking his head as his two guy friends.

Carly sighed, walking over to her brother and friend. "You guys, Freddie's going to look so stupid walking down the aisle with a dress on." She turned to Freddie. "No offense."

"None taken."

Plus, if he wears the dress, what would Sam wear?" She continued.

"A tuxedo of course!" Sam's voice erupted. "What else would the groom wear!?"

"Exactly, but you are _not _the groom," Freddie told her, scoffing.

Sam rolled her eyes. _Nobody ever understands my logic._ "Everyone is always saying how your wedding day is supposed to be something you remember forever. I'll _definitely_ remember my wedding if the dork has to wear a dress down the aisle."

"Yes," Freddie said. "Because it's completely humiliating for me."

Sam rolled her eyes. "You're such a wuss."

"Sam," Freddie sighed, grabbing his fiancé's shoulders. He shook them gently, and then tucked a strand of her curls behind her ear. "_Please_."

Sam wasn't falling for this—if she wanted something, then somebody had _better_ give it to her right then. "Nice try, Benson."

Freddie angrily walked away from her and she chased him all the way into the elevator.

"Hey!" Carly, Gibby, and Spencer heard Sam scream. "Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!"

Carly turned to the boys. "I can't help but feel like I should assist them."

"They're ready to make the biggest commitment of their lives. If they're old enough to do that, they're old enough to be smart about this little feud."

Carly nodded. "They're adults; they're responsible enough."

Just then, they heard a huge thump in the elevator and then the elevator dinging. The elevator opened on their floor and they looked in and saw Sam dragging Freddie out by the hands.

Carly turned to her brother and shook her head. "I take that back."

"Hey," Gibby asked, catching everyone's attention. "What's the difference between a gold fish and a fish that's gold?"

…

"I feel kinda bad," Sam said, as she and Freddie lay in their bed that night.

"Why? For trying to force me into wearing a dress for our wedding and for abusing me in the elevator?"

"Like hell!" Sam shouted. "I feel bad for Carly. I think she's a bit jealous that I'm getting married before her."

"That's a very conceited thought,"

Sam glared at him, slapping his left cheek. "Don't you _ever_ say that to me again."

"Yes ma'am," Freddie complied, massaging his burning red cheek.

"We should hook her up with someone…" Sam stated, thoughtfully, as Freddie wrapped his arm around her. "Get her with some decent guy."

She thought for a moment, and Freddie stared at her, trying to read exactly what he was thinking.

Finally, she spoke, words spilling out of her mouth. "I bet that I can find Carly a better date than you."

"Sam, there's no way—"

"If I win the bet, you have to wear a wedding dress to our wedding. Well, ultimately, you'd have to become the 'bride'. If you win, which need I remind you will _not_ happen, then we do it your way—I'll be the bride and you'll be the groom."

"No freakin' way!" Freddie exclaimed, unwrapping his arm from around her. "Not another bet."

Sam shrugged, nonchalantly. "Alright then…I guess you don't want children…or pleasure."

He scoffed in disbelief. "You're telling me that if I don't agree to this bet, you won't sleep with me? That's flat out cruel, Sam!" He said, pointedly.

She laughed and smirked. "So, it's a bet then?"

Freddie rolled his eyes but nodded. "It's a bet."

She held out her hand full of spit and he grinned, spitting on his hand and pressing it, hardly, against hers.

"You're so gullible, you know…" she commented as she shut off the lamp.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"You're too sexy for me to keep my hands off of," she smirked. "You, of all people, should know I can't deny you sex."

"So, you played me!?"

Sam nodded, pecking his lips. "I think those would be the correct terms."

…

"Dude, just give it up," Sam told her fiancé, rolling her eyes as he desperately searched a few dating sites. "None of these pathetic, lonely men will suit Carly."

A smile played on Freddie's lips and he turned to face his blonde demon. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!" Sam concluded, about to walk away. Freddie didn't let her go so easily, wanting to finally rub something in her face.

"Well, who's this guy then?" A triumphant grin grew upon Freddie's lips as Sam looked at the guy's profile but soon faltered when Sam burst into fits of laughter.

"What?" He insisted, not seeing what was so funny.

"I dunno if you've noticed but Carly is not interested in other women."

"Yeah, I've noticed," Freddie snapped. "But this is a guy. What's so funny?"

"No guy is named _Sasha_."

"There's nothing wrong with a guy being named Sasha," Freddie pouted.

"Uh, yeah it is," Sam stated, tears of amusement filling her eyes. "Nobody names their male kid _Sasha_."

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "My uncle's middle name is Sasha!"

Sam patted Freddie's cheek, giving him an 'I'm so sorry' look and he rolled his eyes. "You shouldn't be proud to tell people that."

"I'll be sure to tell my Uncle about your kind words." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Anyway, from the looks of who you're attempting to get Carly with now, you won't be winning this bet." She muttered. "That's such a shame; I was looking forward to some competition."

Freddie narrowed his eyes at the woman in front of him. "Carly will like him," he said, confidently. He sent an invitation to the guy, welcoming him over to apartment 8C of Bushwell Plaza tomorrow at 6:00 PM.

…

"I got the Powder Puff chips, you guys," Carly said, moping back into her apartment, carrying a huge pack of chips that blocked her view. She dropped the heavy box down, sighing. "I had to go all the way over to Frankie's Food Factory just to find—oh my gosh; there's a hot guy in my living room."

The guy smiled at Carly while Sam and Freddie appeared from downstairs. Freddie walked over to Carly and whispered, "He _loves_ powder puff chips…_loves_."

Sam rolled her eyes. Carly would never like this guy once she found out his name. She went to stand behind Sasha and held his huge shoulders, pushing him forward. Carly melted at the sight. She was face to face with his chest.

"Hi, I'm Carly," she said, rolling a piece of her hair around her fingertip.

"Sasha," the guy held out his hand.

Carly shook her head. "No, my name is Carly; not Sasha."

"No," the man said. "_My _name is Sasha."

In an instant, the hair twirling stopped and so did a smiling Carly. "Uh, pardon me?"

"My name is Sasha. Sasha Allen."

She looked over to Sam, seeing her two best friends both wearing challenging looks.

"Oh," Carly feigned a smile. "Nice name."

The man nodded. "So, shall we go somewhere? Possibly to the movies?"

Carly was groaning inside. She didn't want to go anywhere with this guy. He was cute and all, but she just wasn't digging the name. "S-sure. Why not?"

"Great." Sasha grabbed Carly's hand and led her out the door. Before closing the door, she turned back to her two best friends and mouthed 'help me'. And then they were gone.

Sam began to laugh at Freddie. "You are so doomed."

…

"What do you think you're doing!?" Freddie asked, looking at his fiancé.

"Well, since Carly's date with _Sasha_ didn't go so well last night, I'm finding her another guy so I can go ahead and win this bet already."

Freddie rolled his eyes. "I'm sure her date with Sasha last night went incredible," he said.

"Dude, she came home _screaming_. I don't think that's a sign of love!"

"So?"

"So, I'm saying you might as well start picking out your wedding dress. Hey, shut up really quick! He's here!"

"Who's here?" Freddie asked, but Sam ignored him, running for the door and opening it.

"Emilio! You made it!" The guy at the door picked her up and spun her around, causing Freddie to frown. He stood, as Emilio placed Sam down. Freddie placed an arm around Sam just in case this guy tried any funny business.

"Uh, who's this…if you don't mind me asking?"

"Well, we do mind you asking so shutup!" Sam said, turning to Emilio. "How's life in Italy been?"

Emilio shrugged. "I've been busy."

"Well, I'm glad you came."

"It's good to see you too," Emilio said, his accent very heavy. "You still look as beautiful as the last time I saw you."

_Alright, that's it_, Freddie thought, walking over to the guy.

"I don't know _who_ you think you are, but Sam is _my_ fiancé; not _yours_." Freddie told him.

Sam sighed. "Must you embarrass me in front of my _cousin_?"

Freddie backed out of the man's face. "Your cousin?"

"My Uncle Carmine's son…" she told him, and then rolled her eyes.

"That means you've been to prison," Freddie frowned at the guy in front of him. "Aw man. Please don't kill me!"

"Dude, he's one of the few pleasant Pucketts; he hasn't been to prison. This is Carly's date for the night—my cousin, Emilio." She told Freddie and then leant up in his ear and whispered, "Get ready to go dress shopping."

…

Carly laughed as Emilio made yet another joke. He had taken her out for dinner and if she had to be completely honest with herself, this guy made her really happy. He was funny, handsome, and very sweet.

"Let's play a game." She told him and put down her glass.

Emilio shrugged, still smiling at her. "Like what?"

"Hm, a game where we share one of our secrets with each other."

"Okay, you begin."

Carly took a deep breath, speaking. "Well, when I was 16, I plagiarized one of my essays—and I got caught."

Emilio laughed. "You're a bad girl," he commented. "I like that."

Carly blushed. "Your turn." She put a slice of fish into her mouth and began chewing as he spoke.

"Mm, well, I'm a transgender."

The fish dropped out of her mouth and onto her plate as she began to choke on nothing but her spit.

"Woah!" Emilio said, hopping out of his seat and placing his arms around her abdomen. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head, standing up and running out of the door. "I need to go home. I feel sick."

"I'll drive you there," he offered but she shook her head no.

"I'll walk."

…

"Hey, how'd it go with Emilio?" Freddie asked as Carly walked through the door. "And, um, why does your hair look like…_that_?"

Carly frowned. "My date was awful!"

"That's _great_!" Freddie cheered but stopped when he saw the confused look Carly was giving him. "I mean, wow. I thought that Emilio guy was pretty good with you."

"Where's Sam at anyway? I have to tell her about her cousin!"

"Wait, what's wrong with him?"

Carly gulped, and looked at Freddie again. "He's transgender!"

Freddie looked mesmerized. "I was wondering why his butt was so shapely!"

"Um, do me a favor and," Carly paused and he looked at her with a 'what' expression on his face. "Never say that again."

"Gotcha."

Carly slumped on the couch next to Freddie and groaned.

"Oh, Fredward," Sam walked down the stairs, smiling. "I hope you have a wedding dress in mind."

Carly looked confused but Freddie smirked triumphantly. "You didn't win, Puckett. Carly had an _awful_ time with your cousin tonight."

_Win what, _Carly thought, staring between the two of her best friends.

Sam crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you mean _awful_ night? Emilio's hot! And his name isn't _Sasha_!"

"Did you ever wonder why your cousin's butt was so statuesque?" Carly asked, and Sam frowned.

"My cousin's butt so statuesque—what?" She was utterly confused by then.

"Your cousin's transgender!"

"Gosh dang it. I told that idiot not to mention it.

Sam slumped on the couch next to Carly, her mind far away. If she didn't win and Freddie didn't win, then who did?

…

"So, I guess I'm not wearing a dress down the aisle after all," Freddie said, lying in bed that night.

"What? That's not fair. You didn't win so you don't get it your way." Sam exclaimed.

"And you didn't win so you most definitely don't get it your way either."

Sam groaned. "Well, I guess the bet goes on then."

…

_Hmm,_ Sam thought as she sat on the Shay couch the next day. _What loser is so awesome that it makes him…not a loser? What loser can I change so they're cool enough to date Carly Shay?_

Just then, Gibby burst through the door, a hair brush in his hand.

"Hey Sam," he greeted. "Have you seen Spencer around this joint?"

Sam looked around. "If I had seen him, I wouldn't tell you."

"Nice to know you're such a good person."

He was heading out the door when Sam stopped him. "Wait, wait."

"Yeah?"

"Why do you have that brush in your hand?"

"Oh, well I was gonna ask Spencer to brush my hair, but since he's not here…"

Sam sighed. "Carly forced him and Fredward to visit some store in the mall with her. There was no way she was pulling me into underwear shopping again."

"Oh, well since you're sitting here all lonely-like, could you brush my hair for me?"

Sam thought about this. "If something jumps out of your hair, and I smack it with something hard, don't pass out, alright?"

"Sure."

He walked over to the island counter and Sam stood up as he sat on one of the chairs. "You have nice hair." She commented. It was silky and brown—just like Carly's.

_Carly…Carly…_

"I know," Gibby grinned. "I use this shampoo called _Pig Jerky_. It can only be purchased on farms and my grandpa got me some. Isn't he so cool?"

"The coolest," her voice dripped with sarcasm. They were both silent for a while until an idea popped up in Sam's mind. "Hey Gibby?"

"Yeah?"

"What would you say if I found you a date tonight?"

"Well, first I'd say 'you're awesome'," he said, grinning. "And then I'd ask if it was you."

Sam's face was filled with incredulity. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What?"

"I dunno if you noticed Sam, but you're not really my type. I don't see what Freddie sees in you."

Sam punched his shoulder, and was surprised when he didn't flinch. She was gonna have to toughen up these days. "It's not me you idiot!"

"Then who is it?"

"You'll just have to see. C'mon, I have to get you ready."

…

"Lookin' nice, Gib," Carly complimented as she, Spencer, and Freddie walked through the door.

"Yeah, what's the occasion?"

"Sam set me up for a—"

"For a beauty pageant!" Sam interrupted. Carly did _not_ need to know he was going to be her date—not yet at least. "Doesn't his hair look so wonderful?"

"Oh, so he gets a compliment on hair but I don't?" Freddie asked, smirking.

"He can't help the fact he has naturally gorgeous hair."

"Wow Sam," Spencer said. "That was very considerate of you to say…did you by any chance do something to my apartment? Will it explode in a few seconds?"

"I didn't do anything!" Sam promised. "Can't I just compliment a friend?"

"No!" The four of them answered simultaneously.

Sam rolled her eyes. "Carly, can I talk to you upstairs for a minute?"

Carly shrugged, walking up the stairs and taking her shopping bag with her.

…

"I'm so happy you found me the perfect date!" Carly squealed, as Sam led her into the park. "Thank you so much! You're the best friend a girl could ever have."

"Don't thank me yet," Sam murmured under her breath.

"What?" Carly asked.

"Hm? Nothing."

"Guess I was hearing things." Carly shrugged then looked ahead. "Hey, isn't that Gibby? Why is he here?"

Sam gave her a big smile and Carly shook her head, frantically. "Sam!"

"Please! He's so pathetic that he's almost perfect for you! You guys are compatible!"

"This is _Gibby_. I've known him since ninth grade! There is _nothing_ compatible about the two of us!"

"Please, Carls? For me?" She asked, putting on her puppy dog face.

Carly rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip. "Fine," she conceded. "But if all goes wrong, you're _dead_."

Sam chuckled, pushing her petite friend in the direction of Gibby. "You can try, Shay. You can try."

…

"Hey Sam," Freddie opened the Shay apartment. "I thought you said you and Carly were gonna hang out tonight."

"Pfft, people say things all the time."

Freddie sat on the couch next to his fiancé. "Aren't you excited we're getting married? You haven't talked about it since Carly's date with Emilio."

Sam scoffed. "Oh, I'm excited about the wedding. But for ulterior reasons."

"So, the reasons are a secret?" Freddie asked, looking over at her. "Tell me them."

"The reason they're a secret is so no one finds out, Fredward. It'd be just stupid if I told you."

"Don't make me tickle it out of you."

"If you touch me, I will break your hands." He gave her a 'oh really' look and she rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll tell you, but I doubt you want to know."

"I'm sure I do."

"Well, I set up Gibby and Carly to go on a date with each other tonight." Sam said. "And they're really hitting it off. Carly texted me and said they should be home any minute now."

"No!" Freddie stated, shaking his head, and slowly rising. "This cannot be happening! I refuse to wear a dress!"

"You just blatantly admitted you know I won." Sam smirked. "I told you that you didn't want to know."

…

Carly ran through her apartment door squealing. She didn't even care about seeing her best friends making out on her couch. All she could think about was how much fun she just had on her date.

"Sam!" She pulled Sam off of Freddie and sat in the middle of them, completely ignoring the boy next to her, who didn't look very pleased.

"Shay!" Sam groaned. "Didn't you see I was in the middle of something?"

"But this is way more important!" She squealed again and hugged her best friend. "Thank you so much for setting me up on a date with Gibby! He has characteristics I never really noticed. He holds doors open for me and he makes me laugh. And get this, he kissed me!"

"Gross!" Sam and Freddie said together.

Carly laughed. "We really had a great time." She took off and ran upstairs, squealing just a little bit more.

Sam looked at Freddie, a triumphant grin on her lips. "You know, I almost feel bad for you."

"Really?" He asked, like a two year old.

"No!" Sam shouted, laughing. "I can't wait to see your hot butt in a dress."

…

"She's seriously making you do this?" Carly frowned at Freddie who stood in the middle of the mall with her.

Freddie shrugged. "It's not like you didn't see it coming. When she wants something, she gets it."

"Well," she said, as she began walking. "Kaden's Bridal is right down there."

Freddie followed her. No man should ever go into a bridal store and go through the woman process. He shouldn't have to try it on or buy it.

"Hey, I'm Carly Shay and this is one of my good friends, Freddie Benson and he's coming to pick out a dress."

"What?" The woman asked. She was elderly so Carly assumed she was hard of hearing.

"I said my friend is coming to pick out a dress." She told her, loudly.

"For his bride?" The woman asked, looking over to Freddie.

"He _is_ the bride." Carly told the woman.

"What?" She asked again.

"I said _my friend here is the bride_." Carly said it so loud that every woman in the store turned to stare at Freddie. He blushed. God, please say this wasn't happening to him right now. _Please_.

"Gay marriage?"

"No!" Freddie assured her. Why must people come to conclusions?

"De-nial is not just a river in Egypt." The woman shook her head. "It's okay. I support gay marriage."

Freddie sighed, deciding it wasn't in his best interest to argue with this woman.

"Freddie, you go with Kaden. I'm gonna be over here."

Freddie followed the elderly lady down an aisle filled with white dresses and she unconsciously began talking to him.

"The only gay customer I've ever had was my brother. Nineteen years ago."

Freddie held back what was about to slip off the tip of his tongue. "Oh, so it's very rare around here?"

"Yes, to be honest. That's why I was a little shocked when your friend lady over there explained the situation." Freddie didn't reply so the lady continued to talk. "Who's the lucky fella? You must love him so much to come out here and pick out your wedding dress."

"Yes," he told her, uncomfortably. "I, uh, love him very much."

On the other side of the store, Carly was searching through the racks when she came across a gorgeous dress. It was long and strapless, the bottom decorated with pleats and the top decorated with silver glitter. She swore to herself that whenever she _did_ get married, she would definitely get this dress. She didn't put the dress down as she searched for her phone in her purse with one hand. She dialed Sam's number and pressed the phone between her shoulder and ear.

"Hello?" Sam answered, groggily. Carly could tell she had interrupted her sleep time.

"Sam, I found _the_ prettiest dress here at Kaden's bridal…"

"So?"

"So, are you sure you don't want to wear a dress?" She asked. "It's so gorgeous! Please!"

"It's really girly and pretty?"

Carly thought she was gaining some progress. "Yes!" she practically shouted into the phone.

Sam smirked, although Carly couldn't see her. "Great, then get it for Fredward."

…

_(The day of the wedding)_

It was strange how fast the day had come and Sam really didn't think she'd be that excited. Suddenly, she wished she wouldn't have made that bet, but it was too late to back down now!

She had decided that she was going to have one part of her wedding back. She was going to wear a dress—a black one to ensure two things. One: That she, in a way, was still the groom. Two: it represented the death of Freddie's manhood and dignity. The more humiliation the better. To top it all off, she wore a tie around her neck to seem more groom-like.

"Sam, if you're wearing the dress, why not just let Freddie wear a tux? It's a win-win situation."

"The nub lost the bet!" Sam exclaimed. "He _will_ be wearing the dress and so will I."

"The bet? Nevermind, I'm just saying that—"

Sam groaned, loudly, blocking out Carly's rant. "Will you go check up on him? You know, since out of tradition, I'm technically not allowed to see him before the wedding. Some bad luck chiz."

Carly sighed, and looked down on her clipboard. "Fine," she conceded. "But first I need to make sure Gibby tied his tie correctly. The last time he tied it like a bow."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Wow, how mature."

"I know right. I just love him."

…

"Knock knock," Carly said, opening Freddie's dressing room. "Are you clothed? Is it fine to look?"

She heard Freddie sigh and mumble a 'yes'.

"You know, you seem pretty peeved off." Carly noted.

"No," Freddie said, sarcastically. "I'm feeling pretty peachy considering I'm wearing a dress right now! Ugh, this stupid bet!"

Carly scoffed. "What bet?! You and Sam haven't shut up about a 'bet' since me and Gibby hit it off on that one date."

"Bet? Did I say bet?" Freddie paused. He and Sam made an agreement to never tell Carly about the bet. "I meant bet_ter."_

She frowned, not buying it. "Are you sure because—"

"Just do my makeup and let's get this nightmare over with."

Carly knew Freddie had already had enough humiliation to last a life time, but orders by Sam were to make Freddie look as girlified as possible. Once she'd finish putting his heavy makeup on, she grabbed the ears piercing tool from the counter. "Wait, Carls, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm piercing your ears."

"Carly, you can't! You know I have an extreme fear of needles."

Hey, Freddie," she said, nonchalantly. "Look out that window. Is that Nug Nug from Galaxy Wars?"

Freddie, like an idiot, looked over, giving Carly full access to his left ear. She moved right in, immediately punching a hole in his ear, a sparkly stud earring appearing where she had left the hole.

"Ow!"

"Wait, did I say the window to your _right? _I meant to your _left_."

Again, Freddie turned his head and Carly captured his other ear.

She grinned and placed a bracelet on his wrist and a necklace across his neck. "Too easy…" she mumbled and walked out of the room.

…

Freddie felt like a complete moron standing in the doors of the church. No one had seen him yet, and he didn't want anyone to ever see him like this. Unfortunately, he had the worse fiancé on earth. Yes, he was upset with Sam. Very upset with her, but all he wanted to do was get this hell wedding over.

Freddie was forced into having Carly paint his nails a light teal color—the color of the bridesmaids dresses. She also, against his will, made him let professional hairdressers add extensions to his short hair and put it in a really girly and humiliating down style. He was even wearing a veil topped off with a silver, sparkly tiara. He _really_ hoped Sam got a kick outta this.

"You ready, big girl?" Spencer came up beside Freddie, stifling a laugh. Freddie glared at him.

"Does it look like I'm okay? They made me _shave_ my arm pits! I happened to like my hair growing right there!" He sighed. "They took my masculinity away."

"Well too bad," Spencer said, linking his arm with Freddie's. "Because it looks like your beautiful groom is awaiting."

Freddie peeked in the church doors and saw Sam waiting up at the altar, but in a black dress. Before he could comprehend anything, Here Comes the Bride began to play. Freddie put on his fake best smile and nodded to Spencer.

He began walking down the aisle and tried focusing on nothing but Sam, who was giving him a playful smirk.

He saw his mom nearly fall out of her chair the minute she saw him. Then he heard her scream, "I wanted a daughter, but not like this!" He laughed in spite of his situation.

He heard loud gasps and giggles erupt from little girls but he continued walking, keeping his eyes locked on his soon to be wife. This was possibly the most embarrassing moment of his life, but it was _almost_ worth it since he was doing it for Sam. _Almost,_ but not quite.

He finally got to the end of the aisle, and just as he felt nothing more could go wrong, Spencer kissed his hand, like a father would do a daughter. Sam laughed and he groaned, silently. The reverend stood there, staring at both Sam and Freddie. They were possibly the weirdest couple he had seen.

"We have come together in the presence of God to join the bride, Fredward Benson, and the groom, Samantha Puckett in holy matrimony," the minister started. "This is a special time of celebration that the two of you will long remember, and because of this, we are grateful to share your joy. Marriage is a serious commitment meant for your welfare and enjoyment. Marriage also offers each of you the opportunity to grow together as a couple and as unique individuals. In each of you, God has planted an idea of how you would like to be treated in a loving marriage. If these solemn vows which you are about to make are kept faithfully, your marriage will surely prosper in all the goodness you both desire." He paused. "Please face each other and join hands."

Sam turned to face Freddie and couldn't help but laugh inwardly at how ridiculous he looked. Before grabbing his hands, she pretended to tighten her tie around her neck, basically showing off what he _wasn't_ wearing.

"Fredward Benson, do you take this woman, Samantha Puckett to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Freddie gazed at Sam, trying his best to look annoyed, but he couldn't. At least not right now. "I do."

"Samantha Puckett, do you take this man, Fredward Benson to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

A smirk played visibly on her lips. "I do."

The ring barrier carried out the rings and Freddie placed the ring—made for a man—on Sam's finger. She did the same. If it was anything he knew he was doing after this, was switching wedding rings. He hoped Sam would comply.

"I now with divine blessings and the authority vested in me, joyfully pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Puckett. Groom, you may now kiss your bride."

Sam lifted the veil off Freddie's face and smiled at him before leaning in and capturing her lips. Although annoyed, he still kissed back.

Despite everyone's chuckles, they all clapped and watched as Sam and Freddie walked down the aisle together as Mr. and Mrs. Puckett.

…

The reception wasn't much better than the wedding. Sam forced him to keep on his dress, makeup, and accessories. He earned weird looks and laughs from people he didn't even know existed.

"Sam," he hissed. "Why're you in a dress!? Do you realize how senseless I look right now?"

Sam chuckled, looking her husband up and down. "I know. It's hilarious."

"Okay everyone," Carly said, standing up. Would every woman come and stand up to _this_ line."

Every woman, including Emilio, walked up and stood behind the line, excitedly.

"It's time for the bride to throw the bouquet!" Carly cheered, yanking Freddie away from Sam. She placed flowers in his hand and found a good spot in the middle of all the other women. "Come on, Mr. Bride, throw the bouquet!"

Freddie did as he was told and threw the bouquet behind him. He heard a familiar loud squeal and only one thought popped into his mind—_Carly had caught it._

Suddenly, he felt a huge tug on his fake hair. Before he knew it, he was seated in a chair.

"Sam, what? Why're you biting my leg!?" He asked, blushing as he felt all eyes on him and Sam. "You know I'm ticklish there!"

"Oh, shut up," she smiled at him. "I'm about to take off the garter."

"Can't you just use your hands?"

"No!" she told him. "The point is to tease you using my mouth!"

"Well, just…don't get too close. This dress isn't exactly erection free."

She laughed once more before biting on the garter on his upper leg and slowly but seductively taking it off. She smiled as she saw how uncomfortable he looked. This was really going to make her day.

"Alright, calling all pathetic lonely losers!" Sam shouted, finally letting Freddie out of his misery. "Once again, calling all pathetic lonely lose—"

"Sam!" Gibby shouted, walking over to her. "You can't just call all pathetic lonely losers…without using this blow horn!"

Sam grinned and pushed down on the button, catching everyone's attention again. "I want all you pathetic freaks to line up right there…" everyone stayed still. "Get to it!" she yelled and every man quickly assembled a line. "I'm gonna throw the garter and whoever catches it will supposedly be getting married to the chick who caught the stupid bouquet."

Neither Sam nor Gibby knew Carly had won it.

"Wait, Sam," Gibby said, stopping her from throwing it. "I'm gonna go find a spot real quick!"

"What? I said all pathetic _and_ lonely members. You're only one of those things."

He grinned. "Well, thanks."

Sam shook her head as he ran into the crowd of men. She tossed it back with all her might and heard Gibby screaming. "Gibbbbaaaayyyy."

Sam rolled her eyes. He did _not_ get it. But he did.

She walked over to Freddie and made him stand up, taking his hand. They both felt the spotlight on them and the DJ change the music to a slower song.

"Those heels make you a good 5 inches taller." She told him, looking into his eyes, which were almost considered dull next to the bright pink eyeshadow he was wearing.

"I noticed," he replied, blankly. "You know, when we went to go buy this dress, the woman thought I was gay since Carly told her I was the bride."

Sam laughed aloud. "You should have never made a bet with me."

"You should've never made a bet in the first place." He challenged.

"Prepare for many more to come, Fredward."

This was a wedding she never wanted to forget; and he, well he could deal with it being completely gone forever.

…

_(Four years later)_

"To find the area of a rectangle all you have to do is multiply the base times the height," Freddie told his twin daughters, Aliyah and Addison, as he taught them yet another math formula.

Sam groaned as she listened from the couch. She stood up, tired of her husband trying to corrupt Ali and Addie's brains—well more than he already had. "What are you doing to our kids?"

"Sam!" Freddie whisper shouted, thinking the kids wouldn't hear him. "You can't just interrupt our little math session."

Sam scoffed. "There should be no such thing! They're three years old!"

"Three years old and ready to learn."

Sam narrowed her eyes at him. "You used that same excuse when they were two. And one. And oh yeah! When they were still in my wound!"

"Education is important."

Before Sam retorted back, she looked to her two brunettes. "If you guys could just go to your rooms…"

The two girls quickly ran out. "You see there?" Sam continued. "They ran out faster than I could say bacon!"

"I'm sure they were having fun." Freddie said, and then bent down to Sam's stomach. "And soon their little sister will be too." He cooed.

"You've tainted two of them; you're not infecting this one with your nerdiness!"

"Mommy, daddy!" Addie ran down the stairs holding a picture frame.

Ali followed after her. "Look what we found!"

Freddie took the picture from Addie and immediately frowned.

Sam peeked up at the picture and began laughing with the two twins. She then cooed them, "Daddy look like a girl, don't he? Don't he?" The twins began to laugh even more as she tickled their bellies.

"I wanna hear all about it, mommy!" Ali said, smiling at her father, who looked a little annoyed. He sat down next to Sam on the couch and scooped both children up, handing one child to Sam.

"Why don't you start off the story, Fredward?" Sam teased, smiling up at him. "It was one great night, wasn't it?"

Although aggravated, Freddie started the story, and all the terrifying memories came rushing back.

**AN-This was supposed to be humor-filled. I'm not much of a comedian but I liked it =) Review!**

**P.S. If you're a guy named Sasha or a transgender, keep rockin' it! It was only used as a joke to make Carly not like those men! To show her shallowness! No harm intended! Promise! **

**Also, what the minister said is not my words. Found it on a website! Haha. Review!**

**P.P.S. I know I didn't update **_**After Four Years **_**today but this long one-shot has worn me out! Most likely, I'll try and update two chapters for you guys tomorrow since I'm pretty sure I'll have a handful of freetime! Please review and tell me what you think! xx**


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